The hardest part when someone dies suddenly is that there is no time to say goodbye. You are sleeping soundly in your bed and then the phone rings and suddenly your life changes so completely. You are no longer the person you once where. But that's what death does, it changes your life. It's been 2 years at 12.45pm tonight since I got the phone call and for as long as I live I will never forget it. I do my best not to think about it because I can't stop myself from crying. These past 2 years have been a struggle but I have made it through some of the darkest days of my life.
Already we missed having Dad at the first wedding of one of his grand children and now that same grandchild is having his first great grandchild. He would have been so proud! But I know he is still around us, watching over us. Sometimes I have incredibly vivid dreams about him, I feel him giving me a hug. I will wake up and be so sure I've seen him, his hugs were so special and unique, the way he just folded you up in his arms, that's what makes me so sure it's him, his hugs where so different to anyone else.
I'm trying hard this year to remember Dad's life, not his death. It's hard because your mind automatically goes back to those dark weeks in our lives, but that's not what I want to remember about my Dad. I want to remember his hugs and the way in which he loved us, his kids, his grandkids and his wife. I want to remember the way he always said 'what do you know?' when you saw him or spoke to him on the phone. The jokes he told and the way he always laughed at his own jokes which made you laugh even more, I still remember his laugh and the way he looked when he cracked himself up. He'd say 'did you here the one about...' I will always remember the look on his face when I placed his first grandchild in his arms, he spoiled her rotten, she was his angel, 'come to Grandad' he'd say every time she cried.
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My thoughts are with you today,during a very testing day for you. You are right to try and remember the good times you had together. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou have done such an amazing job of honouring Grandad's life at a time when it's easy to only be overwhelmingly sad. You were the daughter of his heart and I know that he is still proud of you every day.
ReplyDeleteIf he can't be with us, he must be watching over us.
Thank you for sharing some of your memories. Some of these things I'd forgotten and they really made me smile. He really was a character all to himself...
I love you and am thinking especially of what today means to you.
My thoughts are with you today (((((big hugs)))))) It can be difficult but you talking about what a great man he was I hope brings some comfort on a day like today. xx
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today and I know your Dad is watching you and your family and he would be so proud of what he sees.
ReplyDeleteHope having fish and chips, spending some time with your family, releasing balloons, talking about your Dad, brings up more good memories.
love & hugs xx
They're beautiful memories Alaine. Something very special to be cherished.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss. My Mother died just last year, but unlike your Dad was sick for many months. Sure, I had time to say goodbye, but it was so hard to watch her go from a vibrant 65 year old to someone so very ill.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what the circumstances, it still stinks...