Today I wish to honour a friend whom I have a lot in common with. We are both soccer Mum's and Soccer widows because our husbands are involved in running our local soccer club. But more importantly than any of that we have a deep understanding of each other that words cannot explain. We are both the mother's of twin less twins. Today is the anniversary of her twins boys birth and one of their deaths. Together we understand the enormous pain that you suffer when you have only one baby to take home, where there should have been two. The day that you should be celebrating your child's birthday you are secretly feeling a big pain in your heart.
One of the most difficult things about losing a baby is that the only memories you have are of pain and loss, at least that is how it was for us. The only happy memory I have is when I found out I was pregnant with twins. I felt so special when I found out, I just couldn't believe it. My girl's were the only set of twins to be born in either of our families and so we felt pretty proud of ourselves. But that was taken away when I found out at 20 weeks that one of them wasn't going to make it. For mother's with surviving twins, birthdays are difficult, trying not to let your surviving twin know the pain you are feeling challenges all the mothering skills you have. I remember the day my daughter realised her birthday wasn't just one of celebration but also one of heartache. I felt so guilty because I never want her to feel any of my pain, for that reason I chose my day of remembrance as the day I buried my daughter. But this is different for everyone and we must all choose what's best for us. This photo of my daughter's grave is all I have, no photos of her.
So today I remember my friend and send her thoughts of love and lots of hugs to help carry her through her 8th year of remembrance. I know that it is difficult and that the only memories you have are memories filled with pain. Happy birthday Anthony, your Mummy loves you and holds you close to her heart today and everyday!
Oh, Alaine. Thank you so much for thinking about us. The day has passed for another year but the memory lingers each and every day. Mitchell had a wonderful day - we made it as full of fun and happiness as we could and the trip to Seaworld on Friday was fantastic. My parents have forgotten which has made it harder but I guess that says it all for me ...
ReplyDeleteThank you for being a friend.
Vicki
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