Friday, April 11

One of the Lucky Ones

I realise that I am one of the 'lucky ones' as a survivor of sexual abuse. When I say 'lucky' I don't mean any of the events or that it happened, what I mean is that one man almost destroyed my life and another saved it. I can tell you honestly that if it wasn't for my husband my life may have been very different. When I say I'm lucky, what I mean is that I don't have many of the problems that most survivors have, such as, hang ups about sex, fear of intimacy, fear of men, low sex drive etc etc.
Why is a question that I have recently asked myself. The only answer I can come up with is my husband. Because he was the first person I told and shared what I felt was 'my' deep dark secret and I truly thought that when I told him he wouldn't want me anymore, but instead we developed an intimacy that I know I will never have with anyone else in my lifetime. His reaction was so strong that I immediately realised it wasn't my fault, he seemed to know what I needed to talk about it, he knew when I needed to tell the details and he allowed me to tell him during sex when something caused a flashback. He would then gently make me forget and so we ended up with what seems to be a fairly normal sex life. Don't get me wrong, I still have my scars but he has never allowed them to dominate us or ruin our intimacy and we just step around them. I wish that all survivors had what I have.
So because of him, I have always thought of myself as one of the lucky ones! I know that sounds weird, to think of myself as lucky when I was sexually abused from 4 -12 years of age but I really do. I can't change that it happened but I know how lucky I am to have found someone that helped me navigate through the mists and still have a fairly normal life.

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