Sunday, April 6

Mother's of Daughters

I am one of the lucky ones! My husband and I have 2 same sex children each. I know in some families, Dad's dote on their daughter's and no one is ever good enough for Mother's sons but in our family, we of course love and adore all our children but we do have a closer connection to our same sex children.
My daughter's are both so different, not only in looks (as you can see) but they have very different personalities and yet they are both some much like me. The older daughter (by just under 2 years) loves reading and writing, she has to clean her room to be able to study, she has difficulties sleeping, she talks a lot and is a good communicator, just like me. The younger daughter is loyal, she's a great cook (when she's in the mood), she loves the SIMS, loves children and can't wait to be a mother, she is a one man woman, she's moody and overly emotional and very cranky when she wakes up (just like me at her age) In fact, you could say she is a younger version and me and my older daughter is an older version of me! I adore them both and enjoy the differences in both their personalities. They are both great company, and I love spending time with both of them! I really do not favour either of them, they are both so unique and their needs are entirely different.
I also come from a 2 daughter family but in my family their is a 'favoured' daughter. Now if I'm honest I'm sure there have been times when my sister thought that it was me. The trouble is when a mother 'favours' a child it is extraordinarily damaging to the other children. Now I'm not talking about the child that is most like you i.e. my eldest daughter is a talker like me, my younger daughter is a thinker like her father. Whilst I talk a lot more to my oldest daughter it doesn't mean we are closer, it's just we communicate more. The younger daughter communicates meaningfully when she does actually talk to me. In other words, she talks when she has something to say, it's just that her sister and I have a lot more to say, and sometimes we just talk about nothing. What I'm talking about is a mother who loves one child more than the other. It is not that child's fault but it does cause the other child intense pain.
So don't favour your children, I know first hand the damage this does and it's not worth it. Some children are harder to get along with and you have to work harder to find common ground with them. I have experienced this, but believe me when I say it is well worth the effort so don't give up, keep working at it. Being a parent to these children is like being in a marriage, you have to keep working at it, you can't just sit back and take it easy because that relationship can slip away from you before you even realise it. In the end they all want exactly the same thing and that is to be loved unconditionally and cherished. Isn't that what we all want out of life?
From a mother who knows how lucky she is to have 4 incredibly wonderful, unique children.

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