Thursday, April 10

Feeling Helpless

I feel helpless, alone, angry, frustrated and depressed. I wish I could shake these feelings and just snap out of it. In truth, there are a couple of reasons I feel so bad. I had my first session at BRISSC (Brisbane Rape and Incest Survivor's Support Centre) this week and that was difficult and then I had another session with the psychologist who also wanted to talk about the sexual abuse even though she told me that she would be doing 'other' things with me. It takes a lot out of you when you have to deal with all this stuff. It is exhausting. Today I felt like doing nothing, not reading, not scrapbooking, not anything. I did do some housework and took the boys to the movies and then I came home and crawled into bed waiting for Ian to come home because I always feel better when he is around, when I'm feeling like this.
The other reason I am feeling so bad is because I can't do anything to help my BF. Today I got a text message from her saying that she felt so bad watching her Mum dying that she wanted to die. I feel so helpless, I spend hours trying to think of something I can do just to make her feel a tiny little bit better. But I have nothing, I know the things I can do to help her get through it when it's all over, but there is nothing I can do for her now and that makes me feel angry and frustrated and so sad. It will be eight months on Sunday since Dad died and soon she'll be counting days, then weeks, then months and eventually years.

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