Sunday, December 2

The Prayer of Serenity

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
As a child I always remember that my Mum loved this Prayer. As an adult I have often thought of it and I guess in recent times with things being so out of my control I have thought about it more. I was thinking about my daughter being overseas and how I will cope without her for the next 9 days. She has been such a great comfort to me since Dad passed away, not just because she has helped out so much around here but because I don't have to say I'm having a bad day, she just looks at me and knows. She even seems to know whether or not I need company or to be left alone. Every now and then she still demands some Mummy attention just to make sure I've still got the ability.
She is not here, I cannot change that, what I can do is make sure I don't lay in bed and not live life while she is away. What I can control is how I behave while she is away, yes I will miss her, but Ian, Kylie and the boys shouldn't suffer because I choose not to cope. It is a choice that I have the ability to make. I know that these are choices I have, I don't get to choose how long she lives, I can't choose how long I live or how long anyone I love lives. But I do have choices, I get to make the decision to express my love to my family everyday and to do this by living my life and making myself and those I love happy. So I will get up tomorrow morning and do my best to get on with my day.
I couldn't change the fact that my Dad died, but I do get to keep living and loving. The only control I really have is to continue living, not sitting in a corner to whither away. This is usually something we do naturally in our daily lives, we take for granted that when we go to bed at night everything will be the same when we wake up in the morning. Until that is, we get 'that' phone call, then for a time we don't live or function, then for more time we have to remind ourselves to live and function until it comes naturally again. The stage I am in, obviously is the reminding myself, hence the reason for this post. I don't know how long it will be before it will come naturally again, but I do know that it will come.

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