Thursday, December 6

It Just Keeps Coming

I knew I wasn't going to have a great day today by around 7am. I just had that sinking sad feeling that you have some days when you are grieving. It didn't help when I had the realisation that my muffin/card making had reached a frenzy and in 4 days since my daughter went to New Zealand I have made 78 cards. For the Grey's Anatomy fans, do you remember when Lizzie had no more room in the kitchen for the muffins she was making, well that's kind of what has happened to me! If I recall Lizzie ended up standing outside the hospital unable to go in for a couple of days. Maybe I should go sit in the airport until next Tuesday night.
Anyway it was just one of those days that I just couldn't fight the overwhelming urge to go to bed, it was just to strong to fight today. I did, however finish punching and gluing the last of the cards I was making, whilst in my bed. So at lunch time I had one of those silly thoughts that my daughters fiance had been sacked, sadly I was right, I found out a short time later. The next 2 hours were spent trying to reach my husband and crying. All I could think was that I could deal with all this if I could just have my Dad back. You almost feel guilty when you feel bad about the 'minor' things happening, because they are so insignificant in comparison to such a loss.
That's the really shitty part about grieving, all the 'other' stuff is just so much harder to deal with when your emotions are so raw already.
It is just one thing after another and I'm afraid to think of when it will end and life will seem normal again.

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