Monday, December 17

Fading Memories

I had to make a card for Sketches by Tamara from this weeks sketch. I thought I'd get it done early and do it today, so I made a Sympathy card for my Brother-in-law, whose Mum died last week.
It is still really tough, I made the card this morning and wanted to post it this afternoon but I just haven't been able to do the inside of the card. It's just so hard, I can't even contemplate it without the tears welling up. I suppose it just makes me think about life and loss and is this all there is, you love with all your heart and then it breaks over and over again. I have tried so hard to put on a brave face this last week, tried to get into the spirit of Christmas, I have sent out the Christmas cards, bought all the presents and wrapped them, I have even been cleaning the house, but I still feel so sad. I wonder if I will ever feel joy again? I know that's silly, of course I will as I move through this process, it just doesn't feel like it right now.
I am struggling to remember what he looked like the last time I saw him, what he smelled like. My Dad always smelt good, he was one of those men that always wore aftershave. But I just can't remember, I try but all that comes are the photos. If I concentrate really hard I can hear his voice saying 'hello love', but it is difficult. So what's left when all these things fade from my memory. It's a terrible thing when our memory starts to betray us like this.

1 comment:

  1. I had forgotten about that - how good Poppy always smelt. I think that's why we have more than one witness to our lives as you call it. We all have little pieces of a giant patchwork quilt and although sometimes there will be gaps in the fabric, at least we can sneak a peak at one another's squares and remember a little bit of what we've forgotten. Thankyou for sharing a little piece with me.