Sunday, July 6

Sleep Don't Come Easy Tonight!

Don't know why I can't sleep tonight, just can't stop thinking about my Dad and the night he died and how much my life has changed since then. One week from now it will be 11 months and then only 2 weeks before the wedding it will be a year, then 2 days after the wedding it will be father's day. It's so hard to try and get my thoughts engrossed in the wedding when I can't stop thinking about Dad. It just makes me want to sit and cry. I want to cry because I feel guilty for struggling to focus on the wedding and I want to cry because I can't believe my life has been turned upside down so much. If he was still here I would be totally engrossed in the wedding, having fun and paying attention to all the little details. Now it's all a big struggle no matter how hard I try, Kylie has done a fantastic job organising everything, I just wish I could have felt better to help her more. I can't even bare the thought of going to buy myself a dress to wear, something I would normally be excited about.
Didn't get the invitations finished today, I had a virus that caused me to spend a lot of time in the bathroom. Tomorrow we are having a family day so I will have to do them Monday. Tonight Ian and I played a board game with the boys, Ian won of course.
This week will hopefully be a better week for me and I will be able to spend more time with the boys. I want to take them to the movies and I have to get them both new school shoes, also promised Kenz I would do some cooking with him. Sounds like a great week coming up, now I just have to hope I have more energy and less depression.

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