Friday, July 25

Emotional Overload

Right now I'm an emotional wreck, I cry at everything, I can't say the word 'Dad' out loud without getting teary, in fact it just happened again when I typed it. Tomorrow is Kylie's Bridal Shower and I really don't know how I'll even get out of bed in the morning.
I haven't been sleeping this week so that doesn't help. Next Sunday, August 3rd would have been Dad's 62nd birthday, it just seems so sad that he's not here. This last time I heard his voice was his birthday last year, it was the last time he said 'I love you'. I just realised that I can't remember what his voice sounded like and that makes me so sad. I wonder what I will have forgotten in another year. I don't want to forget him and all the things that made him different and unique.
This is such a difficult time with the wedding being so close to all these anniversaries. I know that this was Kylie's choice and I did tell her that it was around all these events and that would be hard for everyone but she said that didn't bother her. Father's day is only two days after the wedding and I think she was just glad she wasn't going to be around for it, she'll be on her honeymoon. I keep wishing that I was 'normal' again so that I could do and feel all the things I want to considering that this is our first family wedding, but try as I might I can't turn all this other stuff off, the grief and depression. I used to be able to put on my 'happy' face for the world and keep my real feelings hidden inside but I just can't do that anymore. It feels like all the emotion & grief that has been suppressed because of the depression has come flooding out at once.
So here it is world, my heart feels like it is broken and I wish someone could fix it and take away all the pain and bring back my Dad so that all our lives could be normal again. These are my three wishes!

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