Monday, April 28

The Weekend

If depression were measured on a scale of 1-10, then today would be an 8. So I'll go back to Friday and work my way forward to today and maybe that will explain why.
Friday morning we got up early and headed to Toowoomba to spend the next two days there for BF's Mum's funeral. We spent the afternoon helping the family with what little we could, although both my daughter and I think we did very little. The late afternoon and evening was spent watching 'Death at a Funeral' in the motel (it was a very funny movie despite it being a weird choice). We had a fairly early night, and the bed in the motel was really comfortable which was great. The next morning it took me almost 2 hours to iron our funeral clothes on a child sized ironing board with an iron that kept spitting out white stuff all over black pants.
We left early for the funeral so that we could visit BF's daughter's grave and put some flowers their for her because I didn't want her left out of the day, since she finally had her Nanna with her. The funeral was at the same place as Taleah and I knew my BF could not visit her daughter that day because she would have lost it completely. So we spent time there and left some pretty pink flowers and a red rose from her Mum.
We were seated directly behind my BF and her family who were in the front row, the reason was so that Kristianne and I could help look after BF's sister's gorgeous 4 year old. She provided a great distraction to what was a very difficult time. I was constantly transported back to my Dad's funeral despite the fact that I kept telling myself that this was another funeral, it was about Wendy, not my Dad. I couldn't help it, it was like a cellular memory. The only thing that saved me from sobbing and embarrassing myself completely was Miss 4, who kept us distracted most of the time trying to keep her reasonably quite.
My BF and her sister wrote and read the Eulogy and each gave a tribute to their Mum along with BF's sons who also gave beautiful tributes. It was a lovely service and Wendy would have been extremely proud of her family. The rest of the afternoon was spent at the afternoon tea for mourners, most of the time we spent with Miss 4. We walked around a massive park and played on all the different swings, she is the most delightful little girl who I fell completely in love with and could happily have taken her home. She is just this bright shining star who commands attention with her adorable cute behaviour. She is just like my girls at that age.
After long goodbye's we left to come home around 4 and it was so nice to have Ian drive home, it was a relaxing drive. I have no idea what I did Saturday night, watched TV or read, I can't remember. Yesterday I spent the entire day in bed reading my book, so I knew that was a sign of things to come, I usually do this and then realise that I'm feeling deeply depressed.
That brings us to today! I can only say that I feel completely lost, don't know what to do with myself, although there certainly is plenty to do around the house. I guess I will try to spend some time doing housework, even if it's in 15 minute lots, then I'll try and find my next book. My main aim for today is not to go to bed, I'm afraid if I do I won't get out for the rest of the week. So now I'll go and put on a load of washing and then I might start my book search, there are so many to choose from.
The final word: I just want to thank Phillip and his family for allowing me and my family to share in this extremely difficult time and for making me feel as though I am part of his family. I consider it a privilege to be there with you all. My arms go around you all in a big hug and I promise a constant stream of vanilla slices to celebrate the sweet tooth of Wendy!

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