Been A While

I can only describe the last few weeks as having a very black cloud around my head, blocking my view of everyone and everything. The good news is that it's starting to blow out to sea.
Death and grief does so many things to your emotions and your mind. Unfortunately what happened to me was that I was having flashbacks of sexual abuse that began when I was just 5 years old. The flashbacks have been strong and powerful and I can barely even remember anything else about the last 2 weeks. I really never thought I would ever have to go through this again. I went to therapy about it years ago and went through a couple of years of hell, but I survived, my marriage survived because of a wonderful man and I thought I put it behind me.
So what have I learned. Well, that the past is still always there and your ability to control whether or not you live in it, is strongly connected to your emotional health. Because of problems with my Mum and the death of my Dad, my emotional health was close to terminal, but now, with the help of much loved daughters, and a husband who has carried me through the darkness in my life and will never give up on me, I am feeling much better. My husband's ability to say exactly the right thing in regard to this stuff is amazing, and somehow with lots of patience he put me together again. It was a long way down, so I know that climbing up will take some time, but I know that I will return to my 'normal' in time. Without any set backs I know that it will probably take around six months before I truly feel like myself again, but I am not counting on no set backs, so we'll see, I will just take it one step at a time.