Friday, November 30

The Valley of Death

It does feel like a valley, one that you can't find a way out of. I know if I keep following the river it will eventually lead to the ocean and I will be free again. The trouble is that nobody can tell you how long this river is. At first you feel like your in a mud slide from the top of the mountain, last week it felt like the white water rapids, now it feels like the river has stopped even though the current is flowing beneath me. It feels like I'm not moving anywhere, even though in truth I am still in the river that flows to the ocean. Grief is a journey and the duration of the journey is different for everyone. For my Mum this journey probably won't end until her life journey ends and she is reunited with Dad and to some extent it will be the same of my sister because Mum lives with her. So her journey won't end until Mum has left her, but when that happens the journey just begins all over again. Is that what life will be like now? Every time we think we've reached open water we will just find ourselves on the mudslide again.
For me, I'll just stay on the river until I reach the beautiful ocean and I feel whole again and I will pray that I won't find myself on the mudslide for a long, long time.

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