Sunday, March 22

Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

Well what started out being a reasonably relaxing week very quickly became stressful. By Thursday night, having 8 people in the house, I was feeling, well, a little bit psycho, although at the time I thought I was fine. It really wasn't until the light of the next day that I realised my poor husband had copped my wrath for no particular reason. In fact, he'd done nothing at all except be in the room when my little outburst erupted.

The next day when I awoke with my guilt firmly in hand I wanted to ring my husband and apologise profusely and hope he wouldn't be mad at me for to long. Instead I rang him and pretended nothing happened and spoke to him as though everything was normal. He happily went along with this. Why? You know when he does something to upset me, I need the sorry. I've spent numerous hours debating this fact with myself over the past few days. Not only do I need to hear the sorry, I had an overwhelming need to say it, being that I was completely in the wrong. After two days I couldn't stand it any longer and said I was sorry. I asked him if he'd wanted me to say it to him and he said, 'no, I was just happy you were being nice to me'. What???

Now I have a friend, and I won't tell you who she is, but she is going through the exact opposite problem with her husband. He had the psycho attack and she copped it, he then proceeded to withdraw from her for a week, then did an about turn and is now being 'very nice', but she still needs the sorry. He won't give it to her (I have the compulsion to go hit him over the head with a lump of wood) I don't understand this, and in case you are wondering, is he just really stupid and doesn't get it, she did tell him twice, that she needed it. So why can't he say it, it seems so simple?

Why do women need the sorry? Is it because we are extremely emotional creatures and it's about comfort and hugs? When that comfort is taken away from us we find it difficult to cope. Why can men just let it go? Are my husband and I like this because we have been married for 25 years and we just hate wasting time fighting with each other? It certainly wasn't like that in the early days of marriage, although we could never fight for long, hours not days. However, as the years have gone on we just hate fighting and having tension between us, so we just let things go (most of the time). This has been a long and difficult lesson for me, learning to let things go, not sweat the small stuff. We are both passionate people so fighting can be and has been very intense at times.

Despite all this, I am still left wondering, why do we need the sorry? Is it not enough for them to demonstrate their love by doing things for us and making it better in their own way? I still need the words, but equally when the tables where turned I needed to give the sorry, despite the fact that it wasn't needed.

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