The 13th

Today is the 13th of December. So.....Dad died on the 13th of August. It's a sad day for me, I hate that another month has passed, I hate getting further away in time from the last time I saw him, the last time I hugged him, the last time I heard his voice.....the last time he said 'I love you'. Time feels like an enemy, not a friend, not something that will heal.

Today I just feel sad and I miss my Dad! My eyes keep welling up and threatening to spill over constantly. I have lots of things that need to be done today and it's the boys final day at school. I promised Kenzie I'd go help out with the break up party, I have to go and get printer ink and lots of other things.....so I will get busy and wear my dark sunglasses because it is easier to hide my pain. Don't want to talk about it, there is nothing to say. At this point talking doesn't really help anyway and it won't bring him back. Besides I just accept that there will be days like this, I wonder will every month be like this? I really thought I'd be alright today, didn't see it coming, but that's the thing about grief, you never do. You can be going along thinking you're doing OK and then it hits you like one of those crashing, knock you off your feet kind of waves that you just didn't see.

I love you with all my heart Dad

and I don't think there will ever be a time,

when I don't miss you!